I had a good bit in common with 6. Or it seemed so. We worked in the same industry – there was a known quantity in terms of what it takes to do what we do, the interactions we have, the people we interface with, and the degree of professionalism and integrity (or, lack of, if that’s the case) that’s expected. Covers a lot of ground. Add to that she worked where a friend of mine worked, and also knew one of my co-workers, a lot seemed to be in common. In addition, she had kids, and was also a recent divorcée, or recently separated – we were in similar spots. I hadn’t dated anyone in such a similar situation. I was very curious – is this shit I’m going through the same for you? How are the kids handling? What’s your story? And so on.
I was optimistic. I had expectations (mistake!).
I could have asked my friend about her but didn’t. (I was still very much in shame mode – shame of dating, shame of being separated, shame of not making the marriage work, and shame of being a failure. Yep, shame mode. None of it realistic – I know full well it takes two – I was taking it hard, and taking on all responsibility. Foolishly. Needlessly.) Plus my friend was also friends with the ex – I really didn’t want anyone but those closest to me to know that I was ‘dating’.
We met on a Saturday evening. She was cute and had an amazing smile. Her entire face lit up. She was bright and articulate. The conversation flowed pretty well. We got hungry. We grabbed some food. From here things slowed down a good bit – petered out. I think the date went a little too long and we kind of ran out of things to talk about. We ended up talking about our divorces – our shared commonality. Bummer. Misery loves company, but not on a date. But it was like staring into the sun – it hurt but hard to stop.
I liked her – while not quite the physical match I was looking for she was attractive and smart. The shared professional background was appealing – something I hadn’t encountered yet. We texted the next day – I felt obliged to apologize for the petering out. She said stay in touch, we should meet for coffee since we work close to each other. I texted her at some point. She responded some time later, apologizing that her iCloud was jacked (first world problems) and she hadn’t received my texts. We never met up. About 6 months later I received a text from her – ‘we’re meeting at zilker, where are you’ – or something to that effect. Not intended for me.
And yeah, through the softer lens of history (this date was over a year ago) I would see 6 again if our paths crossed. Friends at the very least.