I connected with 15 on OKC sometime in November – right around Thanksgiving. We exchanged messages for a good bit while we tried to get schedules to align. She had other irons in the fire for sure, and was juggling. We eventually went on a first date in mid-December. I offered to pick her up (yep), and we went for tapas.
She was pretty – tall, slender, amazing smile, super bubbly personality. Attracted. It was a good date. We talked and laughed and it was super easy and natural. The date was mellow – she professed to being a bit hungover (this would be a sign of things to come). An early night, I took her home – a hug, a sweet kiss, and we said our goodbyes.
We got together some time later – holiday schedules collided. Eventually they aligned, and I was invited over to her place for a drink and to hang out. She had a nice place. Good taste. She offered me a whiskey, neat. She had been drinking. And smoking. We drank and chatted and flirted and laughed and made out late into the night.
We tentatively made plans for New Year’s Eve. We had tried to get together a few times before but she was busy. She was playing the field. In ways she was at once irresistible and repulsive – if I couldn’t meet up, she was calling the next guy, or had one on hold. This was a turn off. In any case, I’m not a big NYE guy – I opted out and hung out with a few friends instead.
Not long after New Year’s Day we were together again. We spent a good amount of time together that January. Lots of drinking. Always drinking. Which began to get a little old. She was funny, beautiful, sexy, and a handful. Super fun. She sang and we danced to our favorite English music. She cooked, and we drank, and we danced and it was all preamble to getting our hands all over each other and jumping into bed.
She was still dating other guys, which was down to me. I wasn’t wanting to commit – really liked being with her but not girlfriend material – not that I would have even known what to do with a real relationship at that time, barely a year out of the marriage. There were a few fatal flaws that I couldn’t get past. Still, nothing else going on, and it was devilishly good fun to be around her – we enjoyed each other’s company quite a bit.
Well into January and we went on a trip together – a long weekend to the west coast. It was my birthday and I wanted to get the hell out of town. Make time for myself, and enjoy. She wanted to come along – and she did. I recall one moment, on the standing near the edge of the continent, when everything felt kind of perfect, and I had such a rush of euphoria that I closed my eyes to savor that moment. It had been such a crazy fucked up year since the split – almost exactly to the day – that this moment of happiness was so alien that I had to stop and take stock. She was part of it – but the other part was the realization that I can take time for myself and have fun and that life will go on. My own happiness – it was back.
The trip didn’t end well – bunch of drinking again and yet another crazy story about sleeping with whoever – she had a good amount of these crazy stories – entertaining for sure. But for me I had had it. Again, spurred by my lack of committal, her determination to play the field put me off. Had I committed I’m almost certain that would have changed. But she wasn’t the one.
We continued to see each other a few times after that – booty call fashion more than anything else. I ran into her at a gig and she was there with her new boyfriend. She was shocked to see me – they were there to see a friend on the same bill. I was nonchalant (I think I was there with a date, who had impeccable timing and had gone to the bathroom). It was cool – I wasn’t interested in anything more than friends.
We ran into each other a few more times. It was always electric when we were together – and after I woke up in her bed and she was asking me what had happened, that was that.
Until very recently. She sent a few notes, a few bubbly texts – ‘Hey, how are you?’. She has had some significant changes her life in the 18 months or so since we were hanging out. I’m happy to talk to her – happy to be friends. We ended up hanging out non-exclusively for nearly 3 months. Closest thing yet I’ve had to a ‘relationship’, a ‘girlfriend’ – whatever you wish to call it.