30 \ Hummingbird.

June 2014
I met 30 via OKCupid. Attractive, smart, quick. We found we had a lot in common. Too much, as we later find out. Some snappy fun messages, and we soon met up.

I arranged to pick her up (I know, I know. This time it ended up just fine). I arrived at her home, and she invited me in. Super cute. Great energy. She offered me a beer, and we shared it, quickly settling into our shared experiences in Europe, and also making a plan for the next move. Tacos. The next move was tacos.

We grabbed tacos, and continued to chat. Easy. Effortless. Then on to a dive bar. A band was playing, drinks were had, and then off to the next destination. Her friends were at karaoke – a private room – we should go. So we did. I was a karaoke novice  – nearly – did it once, was terrible. But in the spirit of doing new stuff, yeah, why the heck not. And with her, yeah – of course.

She was fresh out of a relationship, and that was on the heels of her break up with her partner and father of her kids. She made it clear she wasn’t ready to dive back in to anything. Everything still raw. Which was fine for me. I was curious to see where things would go. And totally down for a friendship.

Her friends were well into it. Pros. Good too. As was she. I dabbled. Super uncomfortable for me. But had a good time of it – no one cared at all. We sang late, late into the night, and then I took her home. We hugged, smiled, and said goodnight. Super fun date!

The next day we got to messaging. We soon realized that her very recent relationship – the recent break up – was someone that I knew and was friends with. We quickly arranged a coffee to go over this sudden discovery. Embarrassing blushes, apologies, and laughs. It’s a small fucking town. We agreed that it was too close – it would never work – let’s be friends. Just way. Too. Close.

We ended up going out again several times that summer. Hot breezes under the trees and the moonlight. Late dinners. Glasses of wine. Plates of food. We were good together. One night things clicked in and we made out. And some more. And back at her place. But it was too much. She didn’t want to start into something else. She was ‘kind of seeing someone else’. That was cool with me. A friendship was something new – this kind of friendship.

Things cooled off a good bit after that. I moved on to different things, as did she. Months passed. We would see each other driving around our part of town. Always a laugh and a smile from both of us. I ran into her one night way later at one of the places we liked to hang out that balmy summer. It was a shock, and a little weird at first. She ended up coming to sit at my table, and we got on just like before. Super easy. Super fun.

We got together recently. Dinner, and then back to hers. We watched a movie, we drank. It didn’t naturally progress from there. We slept together – slept. I was perfectly happy with just being friends. I didn’t want to get pulled into her boy drama. She had seen the mutual friend again. There was too much going on. She is a brilliant mum, and very smart, and fun, and very intense, and very needy, and very independent. I liked her a lot, but decided friends was good. I also figured out that this is a long game. We can be in each other’s lives – better to have a good people to hang with for the long haul.

She’s recently had a big life change. I expect we’ll meet for tea soon, and catch up.


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